I know people have written a bajillion blogs on marriage but here is the bajillion plus one-th.
I write this because it's on my mind (usually why I ever write is when something is weighing on my mind) and I need to get it out. Maybe someone is meant to read it, or maybe it could help someone gain perspective, or maybe it's all about me and when I'm done at least I will feel better.
Let me tell you a few things that bug me...
I don't know why we feel this way, but for some reason we feel there is "the one" for us.
Oh-- and that we have to be "in love" (whatever the heck that means) for it to work.
First off what does it even mean to be IN love? I think maybe the word you're looking for is like current obsession or infatuation? That fades, people. LOVE is a verb. We have the choice to act. We choose to love. Now, is it easier to love some people more than others? Yes! But can we choose to love everyone and anyone? Yes. So if love "fades" whose fault is that? Yours. Not fate, not because he/she is not "the one" but because you chose to not love anymore. Maybe not consciously but through your actions, at some point, you let it die.
How do we love? When you love someone what do u do? The Savior-- the perect example for pure love, served. Have you ever served someone and put them first and in turn felt a greater LOVE for them? So as a spouse shouldn't we serve the most the one we are commanded to LOVE most (after God of course)?
I learned some interesting facts from my major: marriage, family studies, and human development that I would like to share... Like for example, arranged marriages have lower divorce rates than marriages that were by free choice. Why might that be? Part of that statistic may be because of culture--that those who were arranged tend to have a culture that strongly discourages divorce... But I do think there's more to it than that. I think when you get past the butterflies and rainbows you face REALITY and guess what? Life is never rainbows and butterflies. Life is life, and it's not happily ever after unless you consciously choose everyday for it to be.
For example- it's been a long day at work. I really just want to be alone and my husband comes to pick me up at work. I grunt as I get in the car and he asks how my day was. I answer, "fine, I'm just tired." In a very short, frustrated tone. He has done nothing wrong and yet because I'm being selfish I am rude to him. This happens everyday for a few weeks and what happens? Husband doesn't realllly want to be around me either, we slowly drift apart.... This really happened, guys, I was pregnant, tired and just lazy in my relationship with my husband. It hurt us, and I had to realize that you have to put in effort to get happily ever after. You get out what you put in.
So now, hubby gets home from work--I've had a long tiring day with my baby... But instead of grunting about it I tell him welcome home, I ask him how his day was, I give him a hug and kiss, I tell him I missed him today and that I'm glad he's home. Does this happen daily? No... Do I always mean it? I do now, but maybe I didn't always mean it when I first started trying it, or my pride made me feel silly saying I missed you... But that's exactly it--by doing that it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Both are happier, and let me tell you, I'm living my happily ever after.
So back to arranged marriages... I think the concept of "happily ever after" is selfish and very individually based. It's very "ME" centered. When we learn to suck it up and quick worrying about our own happiness and seek the happiness of others, that's where we find the greatest happiness. Which is why I think that a lot of arranged marriages end up being wonderful-- because they forget about themselves and serve eachother. There are no rainbows and butterflies to cloud their minds and fill them with happily ever after mush. Disney is fiction. This is real life.
With any marriage though, arranged or not, for it to be successful you must follow the magic ratio of 5:1. This is a study done by Gottman, on marriage. 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative. That is the ratio to "happy couples." So, make positive interaction daily. Connect with your spouse, however it may be. Serve one another, use your words to express love, you might feel silly at first, but they are important. (This ratio goes for relationships with your children too!)
Okay now my rant about "the one." This concept is interesting. I do believe that for some, there is "the one" out there for them, but even if they found them it doesn't mean marriage is easier with them than with someone else per se. Here's the deal, once you have chosen someone (after much dating, fasting, and prayer of course), they are the one. You chose them to be your "one," and so you better make it work. Thomas S. Monson said, "choose your love, then love your choice." You don't think what if anymore, you do everything in your power to make the marriage the best you can make it.
There will be times where divorce is inevitable, or necessary-- so please don't stick it out if your being abused in any way, or other extenuating circumstances... This is not talking about you.
But with nearly half of the marriages in America ending in divorce I KNOW most of them were not for the necessary reasons.
If two people put 100% in, it will work. You don't meet half way, you don't give and take--you give yourself to that person, and they do the same, and you become one...
As I have been married and started a family, I begin to understand more why marriage and having children is one of God's commandments. You learn so much about love, and grow to become more like our Father in Heaven because the understanding that comes from those experiences. With God's purpose-- having us become like him, I can see why Satan would want to do anything to stop that spiritual progression creating a family provides. I understand why fair tales and being "in love" and all that silly chick flick nonsense is all over the media-- our sense of entitlement and need to be happy --all the politics on defining marriage--skewing our views and expectations of marriage. If Satan can keep us from experiencing that spiritual growth marriage and parenthood brings--and keep us focused on our selfish personal desires of entitlement, then he's won.
It's okay if you're married and are kinda freaking out. It takes adjustment, it takes humility. Have I mastered it? No way... But it definitely has gotten easier since I started thinking of his happiness before my own. Do I always think that way? No sir-- I'm human and still very selfish, but I've seen a change when I try. Do I get butterflies when I get to see my husband? Yes. Why? Because I choose to. I'm in control of actions and feelings.
If you seek to make others happy, you will find your true happiness.
Rant over. Sorry it's not very organized. I'm typing this on my phone... In the middle of the night.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
A Mother's (or Father's) Love
I had an emotional morning this morning. Let me tell you about it.
Last night, I was busy working on my Younique stuff on Facebook. Aiden was coughing a lot after we had put him down, and I was worried maybe he had FINALLY gotten what Darin and I had for so long.
You see, Darin has been coughing and congested for weeks now, and I had it not as extreme as him... but then caught a stomach virus that had me in the bathroom throwing up all night (sorry for the TMI) last week. Darin came home early from work that next day so that I could rest and Aiden would have someone to play with him, and so that I wouldn't get him sick. I took ALL the disinfecting measures. Used my DoTerra oils, Bleach, hand sanitizer, and Clorox wipes like a mad woman, bleaching and wiping down everything, washing sheets... etc... I thought we were set.
So back to last night, Aiden kept coughing (most likely in his sleep) and then I heard a gag. Darin would gag at the end of his long coughing fits--so a part of me thought maybe that was it. There was no crying after, nothing. I think that was about 11pm or 12am last night. I heard some quiet whining at 2am and woke Darin because I was beginning to think maybe Aiden didn't have dad's bug, but mine. I kept thinking maybe he had thrown up, but if he hadn't and he was sleeping peacefully, I didn't want to wake him... so I decided to stay.
In retrospect, I should have checked. You know how sometimes you think--"maybe this is a prompting?" I thought that last night. But then realized that I'm typically a paranoid person and just went to bed. He wasn't crying, so he must be okay....
This morning at 7am, Aiden screamed for us to come get him because he was awake. He has been waking up earlier the last week or so because of teething, so it was no surprise. Normally Darin will go in, rock him a few minutes and he'll sleep for another 2 hours. I laid in bed listening to what was going on down the hall... THEN, I hear the bathtub turn on and I feel sick...
I run into the bathroom and Darin is undressing Aiden putting him in the bath. Aiden is just chipper with a smile on his face--but covered in what Darin thought was a blowout. I ran into his bedroom and his bed was covered. in. puke. I just started to bawl. Literally just BAWLING because at the moment I felt like the worst mother in the world.
I had this stomach virus last week. IT. HURT. I rolled around in bed crying for about 3 hours because my stomach killed. I ached all over after I threw up and hardly slept. At least I had Darin next to me to get me tylenol, TUMs, and water.
Aiden must have gone through something similar. I heard whimpers -- I thought he was crying in his sleep but it was probably because he felt so weak. No wonder he didn't cry out to me last night, he was hurting too much. UGH. The more these thoughts raced through my head, the more I just hurt for him. As I washed off his sheets and started the washer, I just SOBBED at the thought of what my child must have gone through last night. He needed me and I couldn't be there.
All the while, as I am a wreck, Aiden in happily smiling at dad, in the tub splashing away, SO happy that he gets to start his day with one of his favorite things--A BATH.
I'll have you know, I have coddled him NON STOP this morning. What a sweet boy.
As I have been pondering about this, I just can't help but think of a few things I've learned from this experience. This clearly is not the first time I have wished that I could take away my child's pain, and suffer it for him... and it very well WILL NOT be the last.... and THAT. HURTS. As a parent the LAST thing you want your child to ever go through is pain, of ANY kind. But that's mortality and it's kind of inevitable.
Every time I hear about a parent having to see their child suffer, it makes me think of the Atonement. Aiden's suffering last night is minimal compared to parents who have children with a painful illness or disease, cancer, etc. But as a parent you get a glimpse of what maybe our Heavenly Father might have felt like when He saw His Son suffer. I know anyone can try to imagine what that would feel like (to a degree), but I feel like becoming a Mother has helped me imagine it a little more realistically. What great love Heavenly Father had for the greater good (i.e. us) to go through that as a parent.
On the same topic, what great love did the Savior have for us to do that as well. There are only a few people in this WORLD that I would take their pain upon myself or die for. Those are people I love dearly, and people that I feel don't "deserve" to suffer that. But the Savior suffered for everyone. Every. Single. Person. Some that maybe even "deserved" to suffer because of their terrible choices. He suffered for them too. It's easy to love children, your spouse or family. It's easy to wish to take their pain away or suffer for them. But He took on ALL pains. Now that's TRUE LOVE.
Another thought: in Preach My Gospel it says,
So next time you are feeling a little alone or unloved, know that God and Jesus Christ love you more than you will ever know.
Lastly, I learned how forgiving children can be. Last week when I was sick, I was a bit angry that Darin was sleeping. I mean I'm sick and hurting, and there he is, sleeping. Then, I would have to tell my irrational self that Darin had work in the morning (but why would he even go if I was sick) and that I needed to let him rest, and I was an adult and could take care of myself (but I want my mommy...). Yes, inside of this adult body is a selfish child. #thestruggleisreal.
If I went through what Aiden went through last night, I WOULD NOT be happily splashing in the tub. I would NOT want to be held and coddled my mom, the mom who totally abandoned me when I needed her last night. But he did. You can learn so much from a 15-month-old.
So basically, I just am grateful to have the title Mom. Do I stink at it? Sometimes, maybe most of the time... but especially last night. That was a major Mommy fail. But I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father, regardless of my weaknesses, has entrusted His children to me to take care of in this life, ALL so that I can learn what it means to become more like Him, and LOVE like he loves.
That's all,
<3/ Erika
Last night, I was busy working on my Younique stuff on Facebook. Aiden was coughing a lot after we had put him down, and I was worried maybe he had FINALLY gotten what Darin and I had for so long.
You see, Darin has been coughing and congested for weeks now, and I had it not as extreme as him... but then caught a stomach virus that had me in the bathroom throwing up all night (sorry for the TMI) last week. Darin came home early from work that next day so that I could rest and Aiden would have someone to play with him, and so that I wouldn't get him sick. I took ALL the disinfecting measures. Used my DoTerra oils, Bleach, hand sanitizer, and Clorox wipes like a mad woman, bleaching and wiping down everything, washing sheets... etc... I thought we were set.
So back to last night, Aiden kept coughing (most likely in his sleep) and then I heard a gag. Darin would gag at the end of his long coughing fits--so a part of me thought maybe that was it. There was no crying after, nothing. I think that was about 11pm or 12am last night. I heard some quiet whining at 2am and woke Darin because I was beginning to think maybe Aiden didn't have dad's bug, but mine. I kept thinking maybe he had thrown up, but if he hadn't and he was sleeping peacefully, I didn't want to wake him... so I decided to stay.
In retrospect, I should have checked. You know how sometimes you think--"maybe this is a prompting?" I thought that last night. But then realized that I'm typically a paranoid person and just went to bed. He wasn't crying, so he must be okay....
This morning at 7am, Aiden screamed for us to come get him because he was awake. He has been waking up earlier the last week or so because of teething, so it was no surprise. Normally Darin will go in, rock him a few minutes and he'll sleep for another 2 hours. I laid in bed listening to what was going on down the hall... THEN, I hear the bathtub turn on and I feel sick...
I run into the bathroom and Darin is undressing Aiden putting him in the bath. Aiden is just chipper with a smile on his face--but covered in what Darin thought was a blowout. I ran into his bedroom and his bed was covered. in. puke. I just started to bawl. Literally just BAWLING because at the moment I felt like the worst mother in the world.
I had this stomach virus last week. IT. HURT. I rolled around in bed crying for about 3 hours because my stomach killed. I ached all over after I threw up and hardly slept. At least I had Darin next to me to get me tylenol, TUMs, and water.
Aiden must have gone through something similar. I heard whimpers -- I thought he was crying in his sleep but it was probably because he felt so weak. No wonder he didn't cry out to me last night, he was hurting too much. UGH. The more these thoughts raced through my head, the more I just hurt for him. As I washed off his sheets and started the washer, I just SOBBED at the thought of what my child must have gone through last night. He needed me and I couldn't be there.
All the while, as I am a wreck, Aiden in happily smiling at dad, in the tub splashing away, SO happy that he gets to start his day with one of his favorite things--A BATH.
I'll have you know, I have coddled him NON STOP this morning. What a sweet boy.
As I have been pondering about this, I just can't help but think of a few things I've learned from this experience. This clearly is not the first time I have wished that I could take away my child's pain, and suffer it for him... and it very well WILL NOT be the last.... and THAT. HURTS. As a parent the LAST thing you want your child to ever go through is pain, of ANY kind. But that's mortality and it's kind of inevitable.
Every time I hear about a parent having to see their child suffer, it makes me think of the Atonement. Aiden's suffering last night is minimal compared to parents who have children with a painful illness or disease, cancer, etc. But as a parent you get a glimpse of what maybe our Heavenly Father might have felt like when He saw His Son suffer. I know anyone can try to imagine what that would feel like (to a degree), but I feel like becoming a Mother has helped me imagine it a little more realistically. What great love Heavenly Father had for the greater good (i.e. us) to go through that as a parent.
On the same topic, what great love did the Savior have for us to do that as well. There are only a few people in this WORLD that I would take their pain upon myself or die for. Those are people I love dearly, and people that I feel don't "deserve" to suffer that. But the Savior suffered for everyone. Every. Single. Person. Some that maybe even "deserved" to suffer because of their terrible choices. He suffered for them too. It's easy to love children, your spouse or family. It's easy to wish to take their pain away or suffer for them. But He took on ALL pains. Now that's TRUE LOVE.
Another thought: in Preach My Gospel it says,
God is our Heavenly Father. We are His children. He has a body of flesh and bone that is glorified and perfected. He loves us. He weeps with us when we suffer and rejoices when we do what is right. He wants to communicate with us, and we can communicate with Him through sincere prayer. Preach My Gospel Ch. 3, Lesson 1I have ALWAYS loved that line. "He weeps with us when we suffer." This morning, I wept. Aiden was maybe not "suffering" as much at that point in time, but THIS LINE came to my mind this morning as I thought about Aiden. God really is our Heavenly FATHER, who loves us as His children.
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| Of all the other titles that He could have used, He chose to be called “Father.” Find this AWESOME TALK here. |
Lastly, I learned how forgiving children can be. Last week when I was sick, I was a bit angry that Darin was sleeping. I mean I'm sick and hurting, and there he is, sleeping. Then, I would have to tell my irrational self that Darin had work in the morning (but why would he even go if I was sick) and that I needed to let him rest, and I was an adult and could take care of myself (but I want my mommy...). Yes, inside of this adult body is a selfish child. #thestruggleisreal.
If I went through what Aiden went through last night, I WOULD NOT be happily splashing in the tub. I would NOT want to be held and coddled my mom, the mom who totally abandoned me when I needed her last night. But he did. You can learn so much from a 15-month-old.
So basically, I just am grateful to have the title Mom. Do I stink at it? Sometimes, maybe most of the time... but especially last night. That was a major Mommy fail. But I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father, regardless of my weaknesses, has entrusted His children to me to take care of in this life, ALL so that I can learn what it means to become more like Him, and LOVE like he loves.
That's all,
<3/ Erika
Sunday, October 19, 2014
It's A BOY!
Well, we are back on the baby blogging scene. Couldn't be more excited. Darin and I finding out I was pregnant was sort of a surprise, and I was a little worried at first... BUT its been great because recently I have been BABY HUNGRY and am so excited to have another little one around. Aiden has seen some of our friends in our ward's new babies and just adores them. He just stares at them, points, and smiles, which gives me hope and gets me excited for him to have a little brother of his own. They will be 19 months apart, so depending on when we enroll Aiden for school (being an August birthday), they could only be a year apart in school! That is obviously a few years down the road, but either way I am excited for these 2 boys to be the best of friends!
Oh... THAT'S right! In case you didn't see my Instagram post--We are having another BOY!!
I'll be honest. I was SURE it was a girl. Okay, not AS SURE as I was Aiden--I think the strong hope for it to be a girl made me "sure." Plus just the timing of everything and when I got pregnant, the probably for a girl was higher than some. (I won't go into the entire anatomy of the sperm and life span, etc. haha even though I really want to!)
So when I saw on the ultrasound that it was a boy, I got a LITTLE bummed. Not bummed that I was having a boy... probably more bummed that I couldn't go shopping. Teehee. We already HAVE boy clothes. boo. I wanted to go buy a new wardrobe... haha I'm such a girl sometimes. I guess I will just have to go buy a new wardrobe for this prego belly of mine, since I was prego in the summer last time and this time it's the winter... ;) (only half kidding... don't tell Darin.).
Anyway, I am beginning to believe that my body only knows how to make boys--although again anatomically thats not true because the sperm is what determines the gender.... hah. Anyway I do kind of have a feeling I will be one of those moms with like 6 boys... maybe I'll have a girl for my last! Darin keeps telling me to stop worrying about it, it's only #2... but we will see... ;)
Anyway all joking aside, I am more than excited to have another BOY join our family. We will be a rough house for the next 18 years... it will be fun. My makeup business on the side helps me keep in touch with my feminine side, so hopefully I won't go all Tom Boy on ya'll. haha. just kidding.
Here are some pictures of our little boy (sorry they are pictures of a picture. I'm lame like that.)
Let's talk about pregnancy for a sec. I'm a little over 21 weeks now... and MAN I'm already having a hard time breathing, acid reflux (it's the worst), and trouble sleeping. With 2 sicklies in the house and me exhausted from lack of good sleep, we are lazy bums here on weekends. Except yesterday... when we spend the whole day at the DMV. Long story.
So, I do have a little venting to do. The ultrasound put me 10 days ahead of what the doctor set my due date as. When he set my due date, I knew he was off, because I know my cycles and the DAY I conceived (I know, this is hard to determine but trust me, I know. Haha... anatomy lesson?). Okay so, 40% of women can feel pain when they ovulate, thus they know when the egg is released. Sperm can live on average 3-5 days, and after 3 days they lose their "effectiveness." Basic anatomy right? Well lets just say the date that the doctor said would have been WELL after the sperm had died off... TMI? I'm sorry. Sometimes I think I should be a doctor. baha. Anyway he set my date at Feb 28. The way doctors determine your "due date" is based upon the average cycle length of a female. Mine, which is clearly LONGER than the average, makes it so I get the gypped. I have to (get to?) keep my babies in a few extra days... just like with Aiden. So... I take it upon myself to determine a "compromised" due date. I decided on the 26th. =) The real date based upon my cycle is the 25th.
Well, and with all my ranting and whining about it, just like mommies' cycle lengths are different, I'm sure babies' womb time is different too. I'm sure 40 weeks is just as much of an "average" as is the 28 day cycle length of a female. So really I just need to stop whining and deal with it. :$
Well long story short, after the ultrasound, the technician said--are you sure about this date? She let me know the doctor would possibly change the due date because it was a 10 day difference. I KNOW for a fact in reality it's not a 10 day difference, but more like a 3 day, but after my experience with Aiden, if I'm going to be induced, might as well get to be induced sooner than later right?? Anyway the doctor said unless its 2 weeks he won't change the date. AND I've accepted that. Baby will "come when he's ready." **for all of you who say that, it's NOT something any mom who is 42 weeks prego wants to hear BTW... for future reference. EVEN if its true. haha... (Source: #howtotalktoapregnantlady101)**
Anyway, enough of me ranting. It has been fun to have this baby kick and roll around. He is JUST as active as his brother, which means we will not own nice furniture, china, lamps, etc. Until they are 18 years old. That's okay I guess, we can save money that way right?
OH! One more thing. We are thinking up some names for this new one. So far we like the following:
-William (Liam for short)
-Eldon/Elden
-Carson
-Cannon
-Beckam
ANDDD we are trying to think of some Japanese names. We may do Rikuro, since that is my grandpa's name, and maybe do Riku (or Ric) as his Japanese nick name.
We've got a couple months to decide but it's always nice to have a name right?
Well, I will leave you, as I have probably talked your ear off! Until next time!
The Brinley's
Oh... THAT'S right! In case you didn't see my Instagram post--We are having another BOY!!
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| He has no idea why he got a blue balloon.. except he wanted it. Aiden is in for a treat! |
So when I saw on the ultrasound that it was a boy, I got a LITTLE bummed. Not bummed that I was having a boy... probably more bummed that I couldn't go shopping. Teehee. We already HAVE boy clothes. boo. I wanted to go buy a new wardrobe... haha I'm such a girl sometimes. I guess I will just have to go buy a new wardrobe for this prego belly of mine, since I was prego in the summer last time and this time it's the winter... ;) (only half kidding... don't tell Darin.).
Anyway, I am beginning to believe that my body only knows how to make boys--although again anatomically thats not true because the sperm is what determines the gender.... hah. Anyway I do kind of have a feeling I will be one of those moms with like 6 boys... maybe I'll have a girl for my last! Darin keeps telling me to stop worrying about it, it's only #2... but we will see... ;)
Anyway all joking aside, I am more than excited to have another BOY join our family. We will be a rough house for the next 18 years... it will be fun. My makeup business on the side helps me keep in touch with my feminine side, so hopefully I won't go all Tom Boy on ya'll. haha. just kidding.
Here are some pictures of our little boy (sorry they are pictures of a picture. I'm lame like that.)
 |
| profile |
 |
| Body from the side. Look at those legs and arms curled up! |
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| From the side face down. You can see his spine well |
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| 3D. He wouldn't move his hand out of his face.. so this is the best we got! |
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| His foot. This kills me. Too cute! |
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| We can't forget this runny nose boy! The weather changes has had my boys with the sniffles. Mommy is just tired from being prego, no runny nose for me! |
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| Real boys drink from PINK cups. He's growing up so fast, I can't believe he will be a big bro soon! |
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| I think we determined I am 21 weeks in this pic. Definitely starting to show, but not huge... YET. |
So, I do have a little venting to do. The ultrasound put me 10 days ahead of what the doctor set my due date as. When he set my due date, I knew he was off, because I know my cycles and the DAY I conceived (I know, this is hard to determine but trust me, I know. Haha... anatomy lesson?). Okay so, 40% of women can feel pain when they ovulate, thus they know when the egg is released. Sperm can live on average 3-5 days, and after 3 days they lose their "effectiveness." Basic anatomy right? Well lets just say the date that the doctor said would have been WELL after the sperm had died off... TMI? I'm sorry. Sometimes I think I should be a doctor. baha. Anyway he set my date at Feb 28. The way doctors determine your "due date" is based upon the average cycle length of a female. Mine, which is clearly LONGER than the average, makes it so I get the gypped. I have to (get to?) keep my babies in a few extra days... just like with Aiden. So... I take it upon myself to determine a "compromised" due date. I decided on the 26th. =) The real date based upon my cycle is the 25th.
Well, and with all my ranting and whining about it, just like mommies' cycle lengths are different, I'm sure babies' womb time is different too. I'm sure 40 weeks is just as much of an "average" as is the 28 day cycle length of a female. So really I just need to stop whining and deal with it. :$
Well long story short, after the ultrasound, the technician said--are you sure about this date? She let me know the doctor would possibly change the due date because it was a 10 day difference. I KNOW for a fact in reality it's not a 10 day difference, but more like a 3 day, but after my experience with Aiden, if I'm going to be induced, might as well get to be induced sooner than later right?? Anyway the doctor said unless its 2 weeks he won't change the date. AND I've accepted that. Baby will "come when he's ready." **for all of you who say that, it's NOT something any mom who is 42 weeks prego wants to hear BTW... for future reference. EVEN if its true. haha... (Source: #howtotalktoapregnantlady101)**
Anyway, enough of me ranting. It has been fun to have this baby kick and roll around. He is JUST as active as his brother, which means we will not own nice furniture, china, lamps, etc. Until they are 18 years old. That's okay I guess, we can save money that way right?
OH! One more thing. We are thinking up some names for this new one. So far we like the following:
-William (Liam for short)
-Eldon/Elden
-Carson
-Cannon
-Beckam
ANDDD we are trying to think of some Japanese names. We may do Rikuro, since that is my grandpa's name, and maybe do Riku (or Ric) as his Japanese nick name.
We've got a couple months to decide but it's always nice to have a name right?
Well, I will leave you, as I have probably talked your ear off! Until next time!
The Brinley's
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Boy or Girl?
For those who think I'm kidding... Here's the most recent prego pic. (yes, I'm brushing my teeth) Last time my stomach stayed decently small until about 24 weeks and then I exploded... (really I was HUGE...) so we will see if this little one follows that trend!!
Yes, I know, Aiden and the babe will be close in age. 19 months to be exact! It will be quite an adventure but we are VERY excited!
Gender Reveal this weekend! Stay tuned!
Love,
The Brinleys
Monday, September 22, 2014
Every Mom Needs an Outlet (followup to The Truth About Being a Stay-at-home Mom)
So as I have pondered more about the topic, I have found that Moms need outlets. Be it a play date with other moms, or a girls night out, or sewing, blogging, a bowl of ice-cream once the kiddies are in bed, whatever. Mom's need something for themselves to refuel so that they can be good moms. To each mother that outlet may be different, but necessary for you, as the mom, and for your child.
Let's think about your outlet? What could it be?
Let me share with you a few of my past/present outlets, and then I want to share with you a recent one.
When Aiden was born, I was still working full-time (in the dorms) so there were meetings I had to attend or Freshman Dance Parties I had to chaperone (or eat all the food at...) and there was a group of other Hall Advisors like me with children that I could relate to. I think that's important to--finding a group to relate to. We were allowed to bring our children to certain events (like the dances for example) so we would let them crawl around (and the Freshman girls just loved them!), and talk about different stages they are in together. Although at times work was overwhelming and I would have the thought, "I just want to be home with Aiden." Now that I look back, work was an outlet for me, to feel like I was accomplishing something personally outside of being a mother (which is a HUGE accomplishment BTW).
After I moved out to Charlotte, I didn't have work anymore and that is when I began to feel a little unaccomplished (for more info, read the previous blog post here.) Although I did find some outlets. I had an amazing support system of girlfriends just by attending church. About the 2nd week I was here, I got invited to a Girl's Night Out where we went out to a bakery at 7pm, and didn't leave until 10:30pm! No kids, just lots of pastries, brownies and cakes... and of course birth stories, bedtime horror stories, and other funny mommy stories. This same group holds play group weekly on Wednesdays where we go out with our babes and do fun activities--go to the park, library, museums, art centers, etc. It's a fun way to get out of the house for both mommy and baby. A smaller group of the girls invited me for a dinner once, and then we decided to do a tots school on Tuesdays, so we get together on Tuesday mornings and do a mini preschool for our babes. What a fun way to get together and chat--or get out and run some errands when it isn't your turn to teach. Other Mommy friends are an extremely HELPFUL outlet. I know for some it is hard in a new area, but wherever possible, make lots of other mommy friends!
This video is hilariously funny of the realities of trying to make a fellow mommy friend:
http://youtu.be/OkprsbY0EJg
Other outlets I've had particularly recently are napping (although this alone isn't the best), blogging, cooking, baking, etc. But sometimes these outlets become burdens... so it just depends on my mood.
An outlet Darin and I share in the evenings when Aiden's asleep is watching Netflix. Sometimes an outlet is just going out with Aiden for a walk, or swimming at the pool. Something to just get out of the normal in-the-house-all-day routine.
You see, about a day before I wrote that blog, I was looking into selling for Younique. I have always been a little curious about doing a direct sales or MLM sort of company... but never wanted to put the money in, because I know it can be stressful. Most companies like that require monthly purchases, and so most people who aren't busting their butt ends up IN the hole rather than making money... So I've been skeptical. Well, Younique was one I was really skeptical about, but I did my research and found that out of all of the direct sales companies, this was the least risky. So after doing a good long week of research, I decided to try it out. Here you are looking at a new Younique Presenter!!
Here are a few basic points about being a Younique Presenter:
Let's think about your outlet? What could it be?
Let me share with you a few of my past/present outlets, and then I want to share with you a recent one.
When Aiden was born, I was still working full-time (in the dorms) so there were meetings I had to attend or Freshman Dance Parties I had to chaperone (or eat all the food at...) and there was a group of other Hall Advisors like me with children that I could relate to. I think that's important to--finding a group to relate to. We were allowed to bring our children to certain events (like the dances for example) so we would let them crawl around (and the Freshman girls just loved them!), and talk about different stages they are in together. Although at times work was overwhelming and I would have the thought, "I just want to be home with Aiden." Now that I look back, work was an outlet for me, to feel like I was accomplishing something personally outside of being a mother (which is a HUGE accomplishment BTW).
After I moved out to Charlotte, I didn't have work anymore and that is when I began to feel a little unaccomplished (for more info, read the previous blog post here.) Although I did find some outlets. I had an amazing support system of girlfriends just by attending church. About the 2nd week I was here, I got invited to a Girl's Night Out where we went out to a bakery at 7pm, and didn't leave until 10:30pm! No kids, just lots of pastries, brownies and cakes... and of course birth stories, bedtime horror stories, and other funny mommy stories. This same group holds play group weekly on Wednesdays where we go out with our babes and do fun activities--go to the park, library, museums, art centers, etc. It's a fun way to get out of the house for both mommy and baby. A smaller group of the girls invited me for a dinner once, and then we decided to do a tots school on Tuesdays, so we get together on Tuesday mornings and do a mini preschool for our babes. What a fun way to get together and chat--or get out and run some errands when it isn't your turn to teach. Other Mommy friends are an extremely HELPFUL outlet. I know for some it is hard in a new area, but wherever possible, make lots of other mommy friends!
This video is hilariously funny of the realities of trying to make a fellow mommy friend:
http://youtu.be/OkprsbY0EJg
Other outlets I've had particularly recently are napping (although this alone isn't the best), blogging, cooking, baking, etc. But sometimes these outlets become burdens... so it just depends on my mood.
An outlet Darin and I share in the evenings when Aiden's asleep is watching Netflix. Sometimes an outlet is just going out with Aiden for a walk, or swimming at the pool. Something to just get out of the normal in-the-house-all-day routine.
My Newest Outlet
After I posted my last blog about being a stay-at-home mom on Facebook, I got a lot of great comments and feedback from other mommies who have been through similar things. One friend, mentioned that she had a couple mommy friends doing small businesses has helped them feel accomplished and have some tangible goals. I totally agree!
You see, about a day before I wrote that blog, I was looking into selling for Younique. I have always been a little curious about doing a direct sales or MLM sort of company... but never wanted to put the money in, because I know it can be stressful. Most companies like that require monthly purchases, and so most people who aren't busting their butt ends up IN the hole rather than making money... So I've been skeptical. Well, Younique was one I was really skeptical about, but I did my research and found that out of all of the direct sales companies, this was the least risky. So after doing a good long week of research, I decided to try it out. Here you are looking at a new Younique Presenter!!
Here are a few basic points about being a Younique Presenter:
Disclaimer: I know that this kind of sales is not for everyone. But as I have started it, I have wanted to share it with so many mommy friends because I know some of you are needing an outlet like this, or the extra money. Please don't feel like I'm trying to sell this idea to you, but if you do feel like it's something you're interested I'm more than happy to give you more info.
- The Start Up Fee. Okay, so most companies require an activation fee. Usually you get a kit of some sort with a bunch of products in it that you can give away as samples or use for yourself. The Presenter's kit is $99 and you get a bunch of eye pigments, their 3D mascara, and other products. You never have to pay another penny again.
- The Commission. This is my favorite part. Most companies will ONLY give you commission on sales if you spend $XXX number of dollars a month on products yourself. That number varies from company to company, but if you don't buy, then you don't make money. Younique gives you IMMEDIATE commission. This means the moment someone purchases, a check gets emailed to you within the hour. They can't take the money away... it's yours the moment that purchase was made. Awesome right?
- Commission starts at 20%, but can get up to 30% if you keep selling.
- Staying Active. With every company, you can lose your status of being a seller. Usually with the other companies its when you stop making your monthly purchases. Since Younique doesn't require those, the only time you can lose your status as a presenter is if you don't sell anything. They give you a 3 month period, and a week grace period. In those 3 months you just have to sell $125 in product. Let me put that into perspective. That is $42 a month (about 1.5 mascara a month... so in 30 days you have to have 1 OR 2 ppl buy). As long as you average $42 a month, you will not go inactive. And even if you do, you don't lose anything, unless you didn't make back the money from the $99, but that is really hard to do.
- Potential Growth. This is a huge factor as to why I joined. This company is still new. This year, it has TAKEN off and is projected to be the fastest growing direct-sales company. They have just opened up to the UK.. and I suspect other countries will open soon too. Not many people have heard of it, therefore there are less judgements (good and bad) about the products. When people hear "Mary Kay" they either RAVE about it, or they sort of cringe. EVERYONE has been to a MK party. Therefore, you have a lot of untouched soil to plant in.
- Hours. You choose. I put in time during nap time and when Aiden goes down. so maybe 3-4 hours a day? Its all over social media, so you answer questions when YOU have time. it's great. Many of us moms are on FB anyway, instead of comparing ourselves with other moms, let's make some money!
- It's all online! You can totally do home parties but this company is designed to work ONLINE. Here's the nice thing about it. I think it takes a certain personality type to sell. Right? I could see some people would do well at a Home party hyping ppl up... others would not. The nice thing about this is it's online. You don't have to be uncomfortable in front of a bunch of people. You do what you're comfortable with, and I love that.
- Founders. The founders are 2 siblings (a brother and sister) from Utah. They are LDS, and therefore share the same religious values as me. The motto of this company is to uplift, empower and validate women. They began this company to give women at home, ESPECIALLY moms, an opportunity to make money, feel validated and empowered. What a great mission. Their products are quality, and I trust them because of how they live their lives. (I may have stalked the 2 on Facebook for days before I signed up.)
So there you have it. These are the reasons why I signed up. I will also be open and say I have been selling for 7 days. I have sold over $600 in product. I sell about $100 a day. I made back the money I paid for my kit in about 5 days. So now anything I make is Net Profit. Pretty awesome right? Another girl I've been working with has done this since July 10 of this year. Last month was her first full month selling and she made just over $1000. This product (the 3D mascara is their biggest seller) sells itself.
I love being a mom. I love caring for my baby. That is still my first and most important responsibility in my day-to-day life. But I have loved setting business goals, having numbers to hit, having tangible goals to work towards on the side. I'm a numbers-minded person, and so it just gives me that added fulfillment that I enjoy. So, first read my FIRST blog about being a stay-at-home mom. FIRST, find fulfillment in being a mom. Then, if you want a little added hobby, let me know and I can tell you more!
 |
| Motherhood is your most important calling, but every mom needs a hobby! |
You're still awesome moms!!
Erika
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Truth About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
I have been really pondering on this topic for a while. I will most likely go off on tangents but I will do my best to keep this somewhat in an organized order of things.
I was offered a full-time job at the MTC about a week into our marriage (I interviewed the day before our wedding and the day after our honeymoon!). It was a job as a Training Coordinator, managing, training, hiring about 50 different teachers and over 60 different languages. I found this job very rewarding. I felt important, I felt respected. I spoke with very high profile people--and knew about inside info that wasn't even out to the public for another couple months. I had my own HUGE office, and an awesome boss who let me flex my schedule around. I was booked everyday with trainings, one-on-ones, and conference calls. I had a good salary and benefits. I felt like an adult, an important one... and it made me feel pretty darn cool. I worked there for a year, and then had Aiden, and realized that this job was going to be hard with him. My whole life, I wanted to be a MOM. I knew now that I had it, I needed to put 100% into it. At this point in our lives though, we needed health insurance. So, I applied to work as a Hall Advisor in Residence Life at BYU. Again it was full time but a doable full time with a baby. I still managed students, although they were a bit younger, I would train them, but still I didn't feel as important as I did at the MTC. I was no longer an "administrator" at the university but a "full-time staff." My benefits were still almost just as good, just a lower pay and less vacation... although we had free rent and food... so it worked. I did feel like I was a little less important. But I reminded myself that I did not need to measure my success that way... and that helped some.
I could not wait for Darin to get a job so I could be with my baby all day. I felt guilty at times when I would come home and it had been an entire day of work. I knew my primary responsibility was to be a mother. I knew that that is where I would feel the most fulfillment in life.... so when Darin graduated and got this job, I was excited to devote my time to Aiden and his needs....
The summer was unique since Darin was free and we were with family, so I did not really experience the REAL "stay-at-home mom" job until I came to Charlotte in July. My first day was okay, but Darin would come home and find the house a mess--dinner made (some days) and Aiden and I still in our jammies. Darin never said anything--he's the best husband-- but to me, I felt that I had accomplished "nothing" that day.
After about a full week of staying at home, I felt unsatisfied, tired, and unaccomplished. Why would I feel that way if this was the most important calling in life, something that I felt so strongly that God wanted me to do? Well, as I spoke with other people in the same boat as me, I began to realize I was not the only one. I also came up with a few points as to why we may feel this way at times.
1) Social media. Isn't it great? How many of us sit on Facebook or pinterest or instagram and look at how "perfect" other moms are. Like, "wow, she actually has time to get out of her sweats, work out, SHOWER, do her hair and put makeup on? I must be so unproductive and lazy... therefore, I'm a bad mom." Had that thought go through your head? I have... or this one, "holy cow, look at that gorgeous meal.. and oh my, in the background, her house is so tidy, she's so crafty... she upholstered that thing by herself.... why am I so bad at this?" Yup. Before I was a mom, I dreamed I would be the best cook--pinterest worthy dinners, have the cutest decorated house--as if from a magazine, be fit, wear cute clothes, have my baby wearing cute clothes, quilt, etc, etc, etc.
When I couldn't be what pinterest and Facebook told me I should, I labeled myself as sub-par. I even told Darin one day, "I thought I would be good at this but, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a mom." ouch. Yes, those words came out of my mouth.
Let's be real though, how many of these people REALLY look like this everyday? I am guilty of posting a picture when my dinner actually turns out... when I actually get dressed for the day... when I actually get the house cleaned... but that is a small percentage of reality.
2) The World. I don't really know what to call this, but let me explain. Over the last 20 years, getting married early, having kids early has become something that we put on hold. Our careers, our education, and status in the "world" seems to be what gives us value. It's almost as if if you're the one who is the stay at home mom, it's because you had nothing better to do so you "settled." Have you felt that from the media? I sure have. I guess 1 and 2 kind of intertwine but how the world measures success today is far different from how it was measured 20 years ago. Is "mother of 4" something you put on your resume? No. But can I tell you right now that being a mother is probably where you will learn the most skills in the quickest amount of time than I think any other job out there?
3) The need for gratification, NOW. I think that when you are running or managing a company, a department, getting a degree, you get a lot of praise. Praise from people comes. Having that title gives you the instant gratification and satisfaction for your job. Having people tell you you're the best boss makes you feel good, now. But guess what? You don't get that when you're a mom, well, you do but, not openly. It's in the quiet hours of the AM when you pick your baby up to feed them for the 3rd time in the night and they just stare into your eyes that you feel that joy... and in the morning when you're tired, you've probably forgotten it. And you're the only one who sees it. What is this need to be openly gratified for all we do? Does it tie back into the media? Probably.
I am sure, and I haven't gotten there yet, that when you see your children grow up, get married and have a family of their own, and make right choices that lead them down a good path, that gratification comes. That satisfaction comes because that is what matters most. After you retire, do you think people are going to remember your awards, titles, or bonuses you hit at work? Probably not. Instant gratification is exactly that. Instant. It comes, it goes, and you always are left wanting more. I am sure that the gratification of a family, a growing righteous family is one that is lasting. Because families are forever.
So what can we do?
Choose to change your purpose. My purpose is not to get all the stuff done around the house and be a super mom so that everyone can see how great I am. My purpose is to tend to my child(ren), give them what they need, love them, and nurture them. The following week after I told Darin I wasn't cut out to be a mom, I CHOSE to change how I thought. I decided to have a new purpose--and that was to give Aiden what he needed. If I get dinner done, great. If I get a load of laundry done, even better! If I get a nap or get to shower, awesome! But my child is my focus. They will grow up, and wouldn't you hate thinking, "gosh, I should have just given him that attention--because all I can remember doing was sitting on my Facebook on my phone feeling sorry for myself while baby did who knows what."
Choose to live life now.
Ironically, when I did that, Aiden was happier. He slept better at night, he played better when I needed to cook, because he knew that Mommy was there for him. Because I gave him the time of day.
Another thing we can do is seek gratification from the RIGHT places. Not the world... but from The Man Upstairs. He wants nothing more than for us to raise his children in righteousness. He knows that a mother is one of the highest and most divine callings in the world. If there were no mothers, there are no people. Think about that. The greatest CEO in the world had a mom who raised him/her, who was up with him every night... EVERYONE has a mother.
It's hard to not be complimented all the time, but realize whose opinions REALLY matter. Someone thinks of me as his world. He gives me hugs, and needs me to cuddle him when he cries. No one sees that, no one knows that... and that's okay. Stop worrying about what others think.
After shifting my paradigm I have felt more satisfied with my day to day activities, and I have felt a closer relationship with my child, my husband, and my Heavenly Father. And isn't that all that matters?
Do I still miss work sometimes? Yes. Do you need time for yourself sometimes? Yes. That's why I'm grateful for an amazing husband who works all day for our family, but then will take our baby out for a night so I can get some "me" time. But after they've been gone for about an hour, I just miss them. I miss my baby when he sleeps, and sometimes I think that if I miss him when he's sleeping I probably should make more of our time when he's awake. We will miss these days once they pass... so let's make the best of it now.
Moms out there, you're awesome.
End Rant
p.s. It's still hard some days, and that's okay.
Sorry this is so scatterbrained, but I just had this thought today and had to get it out.
Erika
The RANT
I could not wait for Darin to get a job so I could be with my baby all day. I felt guilty at times when I would come home and it had been an entire day of work. I knew my primary responsibility was to be a mother. I knew that that is where I would feel the most fulfillment in life.... so when Darin graduated and got this job, I was excited to devote my time to Aiden and his needs....
The summer was unique since Darin was free and we were with family, so I did not really experience the REAL "stay-at-home mom" job until I came to Charlotte in July. My first day was okay, but Darin would come home and find the house a mess--dinner made (some days) and Aiden and I still in our jammies. Darin never said anything--he's the best husband-- but to me, I felt that I had accomplished "nothing" that day.
After about a full week of staying at home, I felt unsatisfied, tired, and unaccomplished. Why would I feel that way if this was the most important calling in life, something that I felt so strongly that God wanted me to do? Well, as I spoke with other people in the same boat as me, I began to realize I was not the only one. I also came up with a few points as to why we may feel this way at times.
1) Social media. Isn't it great? How many of us sit on Facebook or pinterest or instagram and look at how "perfect" other moms are. Like, "wow, she actually has time to get out of her sweats, work out, SHOWER, do her hair and put makeup on? I must be so unproductive and lazy... therefore, I'm a bad mom." Had that thought go through your head? I have... or this one, "holy cow, look at that gorgeous meal.. and oh my, in the background, her house is so tidy, she's so crafty... she upholstered that thing by herself.... why am I so bad at this?" Yup. Before I was a mom, I dreamed I would be the best cook--pinterest worthy dinners, have the cutest decorated house--as if from a magazine, be fit, wear cute clothes, have my baby wearing cute clothes, quilt, etc, etc, etc.
When I couldn't be what pinterest and Facebook told me I should, I labeled myself as sub-par. I even told Darin one day, "I thought I would be good at this but, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a mom." ouch. Yes, those words came out of my mouth.
Let's be real though, how many of these people REALLY look like this everyday? I am guilty of posting a picture when my dinner actually turns out... when I actually get dressed for the day... when I actually get the house cleaned... but that is a small percentage of reality.
2) The World. I don't really know what to call this, but let me explain. Over the last 20 years, getting married early, having kids early has become something that we put on hold. Our careers, our education, and status in the "world" seems to be what gives us value. It's almost as if if you're the one who is the stay at home mom, it's because you had nothing better to do so you "settled." Have you felt that from the media? I sure have. I guess 1 and 2 kind of intertwine but how the world measures success today is far different from how it was measured 20 years ago. Is "mother of 4" something you put on your resume? No. But can I tell you right now that being a mother is probably where you will learn the most skills in the quickest amount of time than I think any other job out there?
3) The need for gratification, NOW. I think that when you are running or managing a company, a department, getting a degree, you get a lot of praise. Praise from people comes. Having that title gives you the instant gratification and satisfaction for your job. Having people tell you you're the best boss makes you feel good, now. But guess what? You don't get that when you're a mom, well, you do but, not openly. It's in the quiet hours of the AM when you pick your baby up to feed them for the 3rd time in the night and they just stare into your eyes that you feel that joy... and in the morning when you're tired, you've probably forgotten it. And you're the only one who sees it. What is this need to be openly gratified for all we do? Does it tie back into the media? Probably.
I am sure, and I haven't gotten there yet, that when you see your children grow up, get married and have a family of their own, and make right choices that lead them down a good path, that gratification comes. That satisfaction comes because that is what matters most. After you retire, do you think people are going to remember your awards, titles, or bonuses you hit at work? Probably not. Instant gratification is exactly that. Instant. It comes, it goes, and you always are left wanting more. I am sure that the gratification of a family, a growing righteous family is one that is lasting. Because families are forever.
So what can we do?
Choose to change your purpose. My purpose is not to get all the stuff done around the house and be a super mom so that everyone can see how great I am. My purpose is to tend to my child(ren), give them what they need, love them, and nurture them. The following week after I told Darin I wasn't cut out to be a mom, I CHOSE to change how I thought. I decided to have a new purpose--and that was to give Aiden what he needed. If I get dinner done, great. If I get a load of laundry done, even better! If I get a nap or get to shower, awesome! But my child is my focus. They will grow up, and wouldn't you hate thinking, "gosh, I should have just given him that attention--because all I can remember doing was sitting on my Facebook on my phone feeling sorry for myself while baby did who knows what."
Choose to live life now.
Ironically, when I did that, Aiden was happier. He slept better at night, he played better when I needed to cook, because he knew that Mommy was there for him. Because I gave him the time of day.
Another thing we can do is seek gratification from the RIGHT places. Not the world... but from The Man Upstairs. He wants nothing more than for us to raise his children in righteousness. He knows that a mother is one of the highest and most divine callings in the world. If there were no mothers, there are no people. Think about that. The greatest CEO in the world had a mom who raised him/her, who was up with him every night... EVERYONE has a mother.
It's hard to not be complimented all the time, but realize whose opinions REALLY matter. Someone thinks of me as his world. He gives me hugs, and needs me to cuddle him when he cries. No one sees that, no one knows that... and that's okay. Stop worrying about what others think.
After shifting my paradigm I have felt more satisfied with my day to day activities, and I have felt a closer relationship with my child, my husband, and my Heavenly Father. And isn't that all that matters?
Do I still miss work sometimes? Yes. Do you need time for yourself sometimes? Yes. That's why I'm grateful for an amazing husband who works all day for our family, but then will take our baby out for a night so I can get some "me" time. But after they've been gone for about an hour, I just miss them. I miss my baby when he sleeps, and sometimes I think that if I miss him when he's sleeping I probably should make more of our time when he's awake. We will miss these days once they pass... so let's make the best of it now.
Moms out there, you're awesome.
 |
| What I want people to think we look like... |
What we really look like...
 |
| But this is worth it. |
End Rant
p.s. It's still hard some days, and that's okay.
Sorry this is so scatterbrained, but I just had this thought today and had to get it out.
Erika
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