Every Mom Needs an Outlet (followup to The Truth About Being a Stay-at-home Mom)

So as I have pondered more about the topic, I have found that Moms need outlets. Be it a play date with other moms, or a girls night out, or sewing, blogging, a bowl of ice-cream once the kiddies are in bed, whatever. Mom's need something for themselves to refuel so that they can be good moms. To each mother that outlet may be different, but necessary for you, as the mom, and for your child.

Let's think about your outlet? What could it be?

Let me share with you a few of my past/present outlets, and then I want to share with you a recent one.

When Aiden was born, I was still working full-time (in the dorms) so there were meetings I had to attend or Freshman Dance Parties I had to chaperone (or eat all the food at...) and there was a group of other Hall Advisors like me with children that I could relate to. I think that's important to--finding a group to relate to. We were allowed to bring our children to certain events (like the dances for example) so we would let them crawl around (and the Freshman girls just loved them!), and talk about different stages they are in together. Although at times work was overwhelming and I would have the thought, "I just want to be home with Aiden." Now that I look back, work was an outlet for me, to feel like I was accomplishing something personally outside of being a mother (which is a HUGE accomplishment BTW).

After I moved out to Charlotte, I didn't have work anymore and that is when I began to feel a little unaccomplished (for more info, read the previous blog post here.) Although I did find some outlets. I had an amazing support system of girlfriends just by attending church. About the 2nd week I was here, I got invited to a Girl's Night Out where we went out to a bakery at 7pm, and didn't leave until 10:30pm! No kids, just lots of pastries, brownies and cakes... and of course birth stories, bedtime horror stories, and other funny mommy stories. This same group holds play group weekly on Wednesdays where we go out with our babes and do fun activities--go to the park, library, museums, art centers, etc. It's a fun way to get out of the house for both mommy and baby. A smaller group of the girls invited me for a dinner once, and then we decided to do a tots school on Tuesdays, so we get together on Tuesday mornings and do a mini preschool for our babes. What a fun way to get together and chat--or get out and run some errands when it isn't your turn to teach. Other Mommy friends are an extremely HELPFUL outlet. I know for some it is hard in a new area, but wherever possible, make lots of other mommy friends!
This video is hilariously funny of the realities of trying to make a fellow mommy friend:
http://youtu.be/OkprsbY0EJg

Other outlets I've had particularly recently are napping (although this alone isn't the best), blogging, cooking, baking, etc. But sometimes these outlets become burdens... so it just depends on my mood.

An outlet Darin and I share in the evenings when Aiden's asleep is watching Netflix. Sometimes an outlet is just going out with Aiden for a walk, or swimming at the pool. Something to just get out of the normal in-the-house-all-day routine.

My Newest Outlet

After I posted my last blog about being a stay-at-home mom on Facebook, I got a lot of great comments and feedback from other mommies who have been through similar things. One friend, mentioned that she had a couple mommy friends doing small businesses has helped them feel accomplished and have some tangible goals. I totally agree!

You see, about a day before I wrote that blog, I was looking into selling for Younique. I have always been a little curious about doing a direct sales or MLM sort of company... but never wanted to put the money in, because I know it can be stressful. Most companies like that require monthly purchases, and so most people who aren't busting their butt ends up IN the hole rather than making money... So I've been skeptical. Well, Younique was one I was really skeptical about, but I did my research and found that out of all of the direct sales companies, this was the least risky. So after doing a good long week of research, I decided to try it out. Here you are looking at a new Younique Presenter!!

Here are a few basic points about being a Younique Presenter:

Disclaimer: I know that this kind of sales is not for everyone. But as I have started it, I have wanted to share it with so many mommy friends because I know some of you are needing an outlet like this, or the extra money. Please don't feel like I'm trying to sell this idea to you, but if you do feel like it's something you're interested I'm more than happy to give you more info.

1. The Start Up Fee. Okay, so most companies require an activation fee. Usually you get a kit of some sort with a bunch of products in it that you can give away as samples or use for yourself. The Presenter's kit is $99 and you get a bunch of eye pigments, their 3D mascara, and other products. You never have to pay another penny again.
2. The Commission. This is my favorite part. Most companies will ONLY give you commission on sales if you spend $XXX number of dollars a month on products yourself. That number varies from company to company, but if you don't buy, then you don't make money. Younique gives you IMMEDIATE commission. This means the moment someone purchases, a check gets emailed to you within the hour. They can't take the money away... it's yours the moment that purchase was made. Awesome right? 
1. Commission starts at 20%, but can get up to 30% if you keep selling.
3. Staying Active. With every company, you can lose your status of being a seller. Usually with the other companies its when you stop making your monthly purchases. Since Younique doesn't require those, the only time you can lose your status as a presenter is if you don't sell anything. They give you a 3 month period, and a week grace period. In those 3 months you just have to sell $125 in product. Let me put that into perspective. That is $42 a month (about 1.5 mascara a month... so in 30 days you have to have 1 OR 2 ppl buy). As long as you average $42 a month, you will not go inactive. And even if you do, you don't lose anything, unless you didn't make back the money from the $99, but that is really hard to do.
4. Potential Growth. This is a huge factor as to why I joined. This company is still new. This year, it has TAKEN off and is projected to be the fastest growing direct-sales company. They have just opened up to the UK.. and I suspect other countries will open soon too. Not many people have heard of it, therefore there are less judgements (good and bad) about the products. When people hear "Mary Kay" they either RAVE about it, or they sort of cringe. EVERYONE has been to a MK party. Therefore, you have a lot of untouched soil to plant in.
5. Hours. You choose. I put in time during nap time and when Aiden goes down. so maybe 3-4 hours a day? Its all over social media, so you answer questions when YOU have time. it's great. Many of us moms are on FB anyway, instead of comparing ourselves with other moms, let's make some money! 
6. It's all online! You can totally do home parties but this company is designed to work ONLINE. Here's the nice thing about it. I think it takes a certain personality type to sell. Right? I could see some people would do well at a Home party hyping ppl up... others would not. The nice thing about this is it's online. You don't have to be uncomfortable in front of a bunch of people. You do what you're comfortable with, and I love that.
7. Founders. The founders are 2 siblings (a brother and sister) from Utah. They are LDS, and therefore share the same religious values as me. The motto of this company is to uplift, empower and validate women. They began this company to give women at home, ESPECIALLY moms, an opportunity to make money, feel validated and empowered. What a great mission. Their products are quality, and I trust them because of how they live their lives. (I may have stalked the 2 on Facebook for days before I signed up.)

So there you have it. These are the reasons why I signed up. I will also be open and say I have been selling for 7 days. I have sold over $600 in product. I sell about $100 a day. I made back the money I paid for my kit in about 5 days. So now anything I make is Net Profit. Pretty awesome right? Another girl I've been working with has done this since July 10 of this year. Last month was her first full month selling and she made just over $1000. This product (the 3D mascara is their biggest seller) sells itself. 

I love being a mom. I love caring for my baby. That is still my first and most important responsibility in my day-to-day life. But I have loved setting business goals, having numbers to hit, having tangible goals to work towards on the side. I'm a numbers-minded person, and so it just gives me that added fulfillment that I enjoy. So, first read my FIRST blog about being a stay-at-home mom. FIRST, find fulfillment in being a mom. Then, if you want a little added hobby, let me know and I can tell you more!

Motherhood is your most important calling, but every mom needs a hobby!

You're still awesome moms!!

Erika

The Truth About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

I have been really pondering on this topic for a while. I will most likely go off on tangents but I will do my best to keep this somewhat in an organized order of things.

The RANT

I was offered a full-time job at the MTC about a week into our marriage (I interviewed the day before our wedding and the day after our honeymoon!). It was a job as a Training Coordinator, managing, training, hiring about 50 different teachers and over 60 different languages. I found this job very rewarding. I felt important, I felt respected. I spoke with very high profile people--and knew about inside info that wasn't even out to the public for another couple months. I had my own HUGE office, and an awesome boss who let me flex my schedule around. I was booked everyday with trainings, one-on-ones, and conference calls. I had a good salary and benefits. I felt like an adult, an important one... and it made me feel pretty darn cool. I worked there for a year, and then had Aiden, and realized that this job was going to be hard with him. My whole life, I wanted to be a MOM. I knew now that I had it, I needed to put 100% into it. At this point in our lives though, we needed health insurance. So, I applied to work as a Hall Advisor in Residence Life at BYU. Again it was full time but a doable full time with a baby. I still managed students, although they were a bit younger, I would train them, but still I didn't feel as important as I did at the MTC. I was no longer an "administrator" at the university but a "full-time staff." My benefits were still almost just as good, just a lower pay and less vacation... although we had free rent  and food... so it worked. I did feel like I was a little less important.  But I reminded myself that I did not need to measure my success that way... and that helped some.

I could not wait for Darin to get a job so I could be with my baby all day. I felt guilty at times when I would come home and it had been an entire day of work. I knew my primary responsibility was to be a mother. I knew that that is where I would feel the most fulfillment in life.... so when Darin graduated and got this job, I was excited to devote my time to Aiden and his needs....

The summer was unique since Darin was free and we were with family, so I did not really experience the REAL "stay-at-home mom" job until I came to Charlotte in July. My first day was okay, but Darin would come home and find the house a mess--dinner made (some days) and Aiden and I still in our jammies. Darin never said anything--he's the best husband-- but to me, I felt that I had accomplished "nothing" that day.

After about a full week of staying at home, I felt unsatisfied, tired, and unaccomplished. Why would I feel that way if this was the most important calling in life, something that I felt so strongly that God wanted me to do? Well, as I spoke with other people in the same boat as me, I began to realize I was not the only one. I also came up with a few points as to why we may feel this way at times.

1) Social media.  Isn't it great? How many of us sit on Facebook or pinterest or instagram and look at how "perfect" other moms are. Like, "wow, she actually has time to get out of her sweats, work out, SHOWER, do her hair and put makeup on? I must be so unproductive and lazy... therefore, I'm a bad mom." Had that thought go through your head? I have... or this one, "holy cow, look at that gorgeous meal.. and oh my, in the background, her house is so tidy, she's so crafty... she upholstered that thing by herself.... why am I so bad at this?" Yup. Before I was a mom, I dreamed I would be the best cook--pinterest worthy dinners, have the cutest decorated house--as if from a magazine, be fit, wear cute clothes, have my baby wearing cute clothes, quilt, etc, etc, etc.

When I couldn't be what pinterest and Facebook told me I should, I labeled myself as sub-par. I even told Darin one day, "I thought I would be good at this but, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a mom." ouch. Yes, those words came out of my mouth.

Let's be real though, how many of these people REALLY look like this everyday? I am guilty of posting a picture when my dinner actually turns out... when I actually get dressed for the day... when I actually get the house cleaned... but that is a small percentage of reality.

2) The World. I don't really know what to call this, but let me explain. Over the last 20 years, getting married early, having kids early has become something that we put on hold. Our careers, our education, and status in the "world" seems to be what gives us value. It's almost as if if you're the one who is the stay at home mom, it's because you had nothing better to do so you "settled." Have you felt that from the media? I sure have. I guess 1 and 2 kind of intertwine but how the world measures success today is far different from how it was measured 20 years ago. Is "mother of 4" something you put on your resume? No. But can I tell you right now that being a mother is probably where you will learn the most skills in the quickest amount of time than I think any other job out there?

3) The need for gratification, NOW. I think that when you are running or managing a company, a department, getting a degree, you get a lot of praise. Praise from people comes. Having that title gives you the instant gratification and satisfaction for your job. Having people tell you you're the best boss makes you feel good, now. But guess what? You don't get that when you're a mom, well, you do but, not openly. It's in the quiet hours of the AM when you pick your baby up to feed them for the 3rd time in the night and they just stare into your eyes that you feel that joy... and in the morning when you're tired, you've probably forgotten it. And you're the only one who sees it. What is this need to be openly gratified for all we do? Does it tie back into the media? Probably.

I am sure, and I haven't gotten there yet, that when you see your children grow up, get married and have a family of their own, and make right choices that lead them down a good path, that gratification comes. That satisfaction comes because that is what matters most. After you retire, do you think people are going to remember your awards, titles, or bonuses you hit at work? Probably not. Instant gratification is exactly that. Instant. It comes, it goes, and you always are left wanting more. I am sure that the gratification of a family, a growing righteous family is one that is lasting. Because families are forever.

So what can we do?

Choose to change your purpose. My purpose is not to get all the stuff done around the house and be a super mom so that everyone can see how great I am. My purpose is to tend to my child(ren), give them what they need, love them, and nurture them. The following week after I told Darin I wasn't cut out to be a mom, I CHOSE to change how I thought. I decided to have a new purpose--and that was to give Aiden what he needed. If I get dinner done, great. If I get a load of laundry done, even better! If I get a nap or get to shower, awesome! But my child is my focus. They will grow up, and wouldn't you hate thinking, "gosh, I should have just given him that attention--because all I can remember doing was sitting on my Facebook on my phone feeling sorry for myself while baby did who knows what."

Choose to live life now.

Ironically, when I did that, Aiden was happier. He slept better at night, he played better when I needed to cook, because he knew that Mommy was there for him. Because I gave him the time of day.

Another thing we can do is seek gratification from the RIGHT places. Not the world... but from The Man Upstairs. He wants nothing more than for us to raise his children in righteousness. He knows that a mother is one of the highest and most divine callings in the world. If there were no mothers, there are no people. Think about that. The greatest CEO in the world had a mom who raised him/her, who was up with him every night... EVERYONE has a mother.

It's hard to not be complimented all the time, but realize whose opinions REALLY matter. Someone thinks of me as his world. He gives me hugs, and needs me to cuddle him when he cries. No one sees that, no one knows that... and that's okay. Stop worrying about what others think.

After shifting my paradigm I have felt more satisfied with my day to day activities, and I have felt a closer relationship with my child, my husband, and my Heavenly Father. And isn't that all that matters?

Do I still miss work sometimes? Yes. Do you need time for yourself sometimes? Yes. That's why I'm grateful for an amazing husband who works all day for our family, but then will take our baby out for a night so I can get some "me" time. But after they've been gone for about an hour, I just miss them. I miss my baby when he sleeps, and sometimes I think that if I miss him when he's sleeping I probably should make more of our time when he's awake. We will miss these days once they pass... so let's make the best of it now.

Moms out there, you're awesome.

What I want people to think we look like...

What we really look like... 

But this is worth it.

End Rant
p.s. It's still hard some days, and that's okay.

Sorry this is so scatterbrained, but I just had this thought today and had to get it out.

Erika

Welcome Aiden Christopher 夏偉 (kai) Brinley!

Aiden Christopher Kai (夏偉) was born on August 5th 2013 at 11:52pm. He weighed 8lbs 1oz and was 19.5 inches long. He was a result of a very long labor (22-24hrs?) and 1.5 hours of pushing...

Here is what happened:

WARNING: THIS IS A DETAILED EXPLANATION--READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Sunday, August 4th:
4:00 pm Grocery store run to get lots of snacks for our long night at the hospital. We were called and told to come in at 6:30pm, and that for the night we would just be putting Cytotec every few hours in to ripen my cervix. We figured it would be a long night (seeing as my cervix was "unfavorable") so we went all out at the grocery store.... Chocolate chip granola bars, pop tarts, jello, yogurt, cheetos (for darin), chips and dip, sushi and sandwiches... (so healthy!)

5:30 pm both Darin and my family gather at the condo, and have a blessing together, asking for strength and for everything to go smoothly and well. We do a final pack up and head off to the hospital... a wee bit late.... (it was closer to 7 by the time we got there).

Ready to go!

6:50 pm Check into Labor and Delivery and the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center (same place both Darin and I were born), sign papers, get settled into our room.
--Our room had a couch that turned into a bed--so Darin was going to sleep on that.

7:30 pm, Cytotec begins...

We decided to order dinner before the cafeteria closed. I got mac and cheese (really for Darin).

I had had contractions that were consistent for the whole month before we came in, we were just hoping that the cytotec would help those contractions become effective... and they did...

10:00 pm or so... the contractions get fairly consistent, and somewhat painful... and by...

Monday, August 5th:
1:30 am, contractions were to the point where they were extremely uncomfortable.... The nurse checked my dilation around this time, and I was still less than 1cm. But because of the consistency in contractions, after 2-3 doses of Cytotec, she allowed for my body to take its course. The nurse gave me a pain killer to help with the pain, and said that it would make me drowsy, she also mentioned that she could administer it hourly, but each time she did, the effects would be less intense. Once she gave me the first dose, I was feeling pretty good. I could still feel the pain but I was so drugged it didn't seem to bother me. I was telling Darin all this nonsense--because I was so drugged by this pain killer, it felt nice. About an hour later I felt the pain again and I didn't feel like I was floating... so I asked for another dose. She was right, I didn't feel it as strong, and by the third dose, I wasn't feeling it much at all, and the contractions were painful.

At 6 am, the contractions were pretty bad, but I set a goal to at least last until 8am (not quite sure why, no real logic besides the fact that I didn't want to wimp out too early).

**Side Note** When we entered the hospital, the Nurse set a pain goal with us. Basically, that goal is to say that the pain I would ever feel in my stay would be less than or equal to a certain number. I chose 6... in my case, that would be when we would administer an epidural. By the time 6am rolled around, I was a high 5...

I asked the nurse around 7:00 or so if I were to get the epidural if I would be able to eat after and she said no, so she suggested I ordered some breakfast before getting the epidural.

7:30ish am Ordered some breakfast -- breakfast burrito (for Darin... the nurse said to eat light), cream of wheat, fruit.

7:55 am, breakfast arrives. Baby kicks (HARD) I jolt and yell out in pain... Warm fluids begin to gush out... (at this point I wasn't sure... is it blood?! is it my water?!)

...Water breaks...

I call the nurse:
N: "can I help you?"
Me: "yea, I'm gushing warm fluids out of my vagina..." (very descriptive, I didn't know what else to say!)
N: "we will be there soon."

So much for eating breakfast. As soon as the water broke, the contractions were much more uncomfortable. Within a few minutes I was begging the nurse to get the Anesthesiologist right away. I unwillingly gobbled down my cream of wheat--hoping it would give me some energy and keep me UN-hungry for the next so many hours... (not realizing it would be yet another 15 hours until he came)

8:30 am: Anesthesiologist comes in and begins to give me an epidural. At this point I was shaking uncontrollably. I had some shakes through the night, but as the contractions got more intense, so did the shaking. I leaned forward while Darin help my hand and head. I squeezed his hand, hoping that would keep me from shaking so much. The Anesthesiologist told me I needed to try and hold very still... which was a hard thing to do. He started to feed the fluids into me and within seconds I was feeling tingly numb all down my legs. Within about 30 minutes, I could not move my legs at all. I could feel them (sorta) but had no control.

Now, something I didn't know about epidurals--once you get one you are basically just stuck, laying down on a given side. At least I was. I also learned that when I am given epidurals, I blow up... literally like a balloon. My thighs were about double the size they normally were, my skin on my legs felt like it was going to pop. My feet were HUGE. I was extremely uncomfortable. But it was the lesser of the two evils.

As I laid on one side, I would start to get feeling in my other leg, which meant I had to switch to the other side. Gravity works with the epidural to get it to all the right places.

I continued to progress slowly... VERY slowly. Finally around the early afternoon, the doctors decided to try pitocin to intensify the contractions. (this was mostly because Aiden's fluctuations in his heart rate were a little worry-some... and so they wanted to get him out sooner than later..)
I was not too worried, as I had the epidural in, I figured I wouldn't feel the pain....

WRONG....

It just so happened the epidural had begun to wear off. I had felt some pressure, but once the pitocin was hooked into the IV, I felt A LOT more than just pressure. My back felt like someone was squeezing the life out of me. I began to shake even more than before (I had shakes even with the epidural in, but with it wearing off it was like a seizure) and crying. My Doula-in-training and Darin were the only ones in the room (family had been coming in and out but this was right when everyone had left). My doula was massaging my back while Darin was on the other side of me holding my hand so I could squeeze. I just cried and shook and cried.

When the nurse came in and saw tears all down my face she realized the pain I was in and called the Anesthesiologist to come in and up my dose. She also noticed that Aiden's heart rate was dropping significantly, much more than before. They began to move quickly, and grabbed an oxygen mask for me to put on so that Aiden would get the Oxygen that he needed. I think because I was in stress from the pain, it must have affected Aiden as well. Then they stopped the pitocin (thank heavens) because it was too risky for Aiden. The Anesthesiologist gave me another nice dose of the pain meds and I was able to rest some.

There was very, very slow progress as far as dilation went. It was like a cm every 2 hours or so.

5 pm the doctor comes in and says I am at an 8 (or 9?) getting closer. They said one side of the cervix seemed to be a little fatter than the other... (as in the effacement was somewhat uneven). The also noticed that Aiden was Posterior.... (dreaded news for the mother)

Birthing Lesson:
When a baby comes out of the womb, they are normally face-down,  (Facing the BACK), that way the fast follows the natural curve of the tail bone and comes out smoother. Aiden was face-up... which meant that if I tried to push him out that way, the back of his head would hit the tail bone, and usually pushing lasts a lot longer... it's doable, just not preferred. Mother usually gets a little more physical (and mental/emotional probably) trauma and baby too. They began trying to twist him around with different positions for me to lay in.

Oh, I also developed a fever... I think it was just a little more labor than my body wanted to handle...

The doctors also put internal monitors in, because of how bad Aiden's heart was doing. They also pumped some more fluids back into the uterus to help cushion Aiden in hopes that it would relieve some trauma.

This picture is at 5pm... just waiting... not able to move

6 pm, the doctor on call switches--and we are still chilling. We decide to watch the Bachelorette finale, I figured I'd have Aiden in my arms by the time the show was over....

...nope...

9:30 pm Doctor tells me I am fully dilated and effaced, but that we still have time. He begins to reach his hand in there, grabs Aiden's head and twists, trying to get him to go face-up.

10 pm, doctor says I may be able to begin pushing, so the nurse starts coaching me through how to do it.... by about 10:20 pm, I am pushing every contraction.... I also mentioned to the nurse that I could feel the epidural wearing off--I was scared because I did not want to feel the pain--but she said it would be fine and that it was good I was feeling some pressure so I knew when to push.

Starting to Push....

I push 3 times per contraction. after about 40 minutes of pushing, I begin feeling the contractions full force.... Not fun. The only way I could relieve the pain was by pushing. So I did.

We had the whole family there (both sides) everyone taking turns holding my legs up. We had Darin, my sister: Julie, my mom, Darin's mom, Darin's sister: Kallie, and my doula taking turns holding my legs up. Both Dads and my brother James sat on the side lines, taking a few pictures and talking with each other...

Darin on one leg, Kallie on the other... 

I just remember pain, hunger and thirst. I hadn't eaten or drank anything since 8 am, and all I had had then was a small bowl of cream of wheat. After pushing my mouth was so dry and all I could eat was ice chips. The ice was not enough to quench my thirst. I have never wanted water so badly. The hunger was bad too, although during pushing it wasn't, only when I was laying there and people were eating all around me. The pain of the contractions was the same sort of pain I had felt hours earlier when my epidural had worn off. It was just a lot stronger, and didn't seem to go away between contractions. It basically was a consistent pain in my back, and the contractions were when the pain started to work it's way to the front.

Got my Doula next to me with a cup of ice chips to keep me hydrated (I wasn't allowed water)

11:30 pm, the doctor comes in and tells me to keep pushing. Everyone said you could see a little spot on his head with hair. I asked the doctor what color his hair was... in which he replied, "it's hard to tell with so much blood."
Right. I forgot I was gushing blood.

11:45 pm Finally I was on the home stretch. The doctor said to just push anytime I wanted, and his head came out. Then he said to give it one more big push and out came his body. It was the best feeling to have him out, it's similar to the relief you get after having a good bowel movement--times a million. all the pressure and pain I had been feeling in my back subsided, and it felt so good (at least for a few minutes).

Hello world... look how open his eyes are!

Overcome with emotion as I hold him for the first time

Bonding with my baby... he actually had his first poop on me (we discovered it later when I tried to feed him)

As soon as baby came out, they placed him on my chest and a flood of emotion came over me. I loved this child and would give my life for him in the first moment I saw him. I looked up at everyone and everyone was crying around me. It was such an amazing experience to have all of the family there to share this moment together. Aiden was crying and the moment they set him on my chest and I spoke to him, he stopped, and looked up, trying to see where my voice was coming from. He just stared at my face as I kept talking to him, I knew at the moment he knew who I was and recognized my voice. They then took him away to get washed and THAT'S when I realized how much pain I was in. The epidural at that point was completely worn off so the stitching that happened down there was very much felt. That wasn't the worst part though. I was just in a lot of pain and began shaking again. The doctor fed some pain killers through my IV, which helped some...

I finally got my water... but am in a lot of pain as the doctor stitches me up. Darin is holding my hand so I don't shake as much.

Getting weighed and measured...

Aiden was 8lbs 1oz and 19.5 inches

Holding him again after he is all cleaned up

Dad's first time holding him

The Brinleys

McIntyre Side

Doctor congratulating us after the birth

Grandpa McIntyre

Three Generations of First-Born Brinley Sons

Since it was about midnight at that point, everyone went home and Darin and I headed over to our recovery room at about 1:00am, Tuesday, August 6. Aiden BARELY made it on the 5th... 8 minutes later and he would have been born on his Grandpa Brinley's Birthday.... darn... I am glad he came out when he did though.

Proud Papa

Aiden was hooked up to some antibiotics through an IV after birth--because of the fever I had during labor. Poor guy, the nurses had a hard time sticking him, so he was bruised on his hand. he had his IV in his upper arm, and it just looked painful.

We are so grateful for this little miracle. It was a long journey but we are happy to have him in our lives. What a sweet spirit he is.

We will keep updating more with his growth as much as we can! Thanks for reading!

Love,
The Brinley's

No Longer a July Baby & a Little Anatomy Lesson.

We are now over 41 weeks... by a couple of days.

We went into the Doctor on Thursday, and he has set us up for induction starting this evening. He checked the cervix yet again, and there is no dilation or effacement. I MAYBE is a LITTLE softer, but not enough. He said I still COULD go into labor before the induction--but looking at the status of my cervix he doubts I will on my own.

Sunday (today) will be the start of a cervical softener called Cytotec. We will be admitted into the hospital around 6 pm, and be there for the night. They are hoping that with the Cytotec alone, my cervix will become soft and my contractions (the ones I've had for the last month) will become effective. If they were to just administer pitocin alone, because of how unripe the cervix is, it would be likely that it would not do anything to the cervix--it has to be SOFT first. This is why I have been having horrible contractions with NO results. Last night was by far the worst of them, so I am excited to soften this cervix up so it can start to thin and dilate. On Monday, if I am at about 3 cm, they will start pitocin. If not, they will keep doing Cytotec for a few more hours. Either way the doctor said by Monday (or maybe Tuesday) this baby will be here.

Many people have asked--"why didn't you get your membranes stripped?" I am not quite sure if women really understand what this means.
Here's a little anatomy lesson:

Your cervix is the opening to your uterus (where your baby is), and is at the end of the vaginal canal. When a doctor checks to see if you are dilated or effaced, he is reaching up into the vaginal canal to feel the opening to your uterus--the cervix. Most women within the last few weeks of pregnancy will be 1-3 cm dilated, meaning the doctor can fit 1-3 fingers into your cervix. If this is the case, stripping the membranes is an option. 

"Stripping the membranes" just means that the doctor sticks his finger into the cervix and swipes once or twice. This strips some of the amniotic sac away from the uterine wall, often stimulating the uterus to start contracting and can cause a woman to go into labor within 48 hours. NOTE: the doctor has to get his finger IN the cervix--meaning you have to be somewhat soft and DILATED. 

Now, my cervix as mentioned before is not very soft, and completed sealed shut. This is why I have not had my membranes stripped, because if it anatomically impossible. The doctor cannot even put a tip of the finger into the cervix to do so. 

Many other people have mentioned other methods that bring on contractions: sex, oils, herbs, physical activity, etc. I appreciate the advice, and many I have attempted myself. But as the doctor said, without a soft cervix, contractions do nothing. This is why no matter how many horrible contractions I induce or have, they will not do anything to the cervix, which ends up being extra pain and work for nothing.

Therefore, three things need to occur simultaneously for labor to progress: 1) a SOFT cervix, 2) Contractions and 3) Dilation and Effacement (as a result of 1 and 2 co-existing).

I'm starting to sound like a doctor!

Anyway tonight is the night and I hope by Monday morning if he has not come yet, he will with a little boost of pitocin. We are excited to have this healthy, active boy in our arms soon. Thank you so much for your support, and you will be updated with pictures VERY soon!!

The Brinley's

39, 40.... aaaand 41 weeks... Update on the progess

Baby is now officially overdue. 

I went to the doctors today to get checked again--still no dilation, effacement, etc.... NOTHING. Contractions have continued for the last 4 weeks now, they are getting worse and more painful--but STILL no dilation. 

My body doesn't know what to do with this little one inside of me. (He is PUSHING harder and harder by the day, we can tell all he wants to do is come out.... poor guy, wish mom's cervix knew what it was supposed to do).

So the doctor said they cannot induce me, even though we are now officially past 40 weeks because of the "un-ripe" (or also called "un-favorable) cervix. He basically explained that because the cervix has not progressed on its own, most likely even with drugs, it would not do so... which then would put me at risk for a medically unnecessary C-section. If I were induced this week, the chances of it becoming a C-section would be 1 in 3 or maybe even 1 in 2.... so pretty high. 

Yea--so everyone says--"keep baby in there, it's better for him to bake" or "he will come when he is ready..."  

Negative.

As you remember, Aiden has a 2 vessel cord, meaning that he is missing an umbilical artery. This puts him at a higher risk than a normal baby (he is not "high risk," but at higher risk than normal). I asked the doctor if he would let me just hold out until he comes naturally--thinking he's gotta come out by 42 weeks... right? (well he may not---especially since this cervix is not letting up--in which case I'd end up with a C-section then anyway). Well, the doctor said no. He will not allow this baby to stay in there for more than 41 weeks, because of his condition. Here's the catch... 41 weeks is the END of THIS WEEK... Most likely with the trend of this dear cervix of mine, things are not bound to change in the next couple days.  

So... I asked if he could then induce me on Friday (41 weeks according to conception) but the doctor's office has me down for SATURDAY for 41 weeks. Okay--here's where I vent...

You know how doctor's ask you about your last missed period? Then they take an AVERAGE cycle length for a female and determine your due date. Now, I have tracked my cycle for a very long time, and am very aware of my cycle length--therefore can actually calculate a more accurate due date. On top of that, they did an ultrasound where it showed that he was 2 days ahead of what the original due date was. So.. we have 3 due dates... July 25th (by the ultrasound), 26th (what I got after calculating my actual cycle length) and 27th (the last-missed-period-least-acurate one). 

Doctor said no to Friday (IHC is REALLY STRICT on inducing ppl without a favorable cervix BEFORE 41 weeks--EVEN if its ONE DAY). 

......AAAAND.... Doctor's do not do inductions on Saturday or Sunday......

Therefore, we must wait until Monday. (note: my favorite doctor is on duty Friday, so I REALLY wanted him). He said Sunday I would come in, get drugs, stay the night, Monday morning start pitocin, and then deliver... possibly into Tuesday depending on the progress. If the cervix is about the same as it is now, then the chances of a C-section are STILL the same as above... about 30-50% chance. 

They will determine what to do as so...

Sunday night, put some medication (similar to cervidil) to hopefully soften up the cervix.

Monday morning--administer pitocin

After administering pitocin on Monday :

If NO progress in 4-6 hours--straight into a C-section

If SOME progress, they will keep watching it.. on and on... probably until labor doesn't progress anymore OR I go for like 20+ hours and finally go into a C-section.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: we get the drugs Sunday night and things kick in and end up having the baby that night! =D we shall see what happens.

We will be back into the doctors on Thursday to check again... Contractions haven't let up so maybe eventually they will do something to the cervix... but our odds so far don't seem to be in our favor... and these contractions really hurt.

One thing I have learned from all this is how different every person's pregnancy is. I have never been in more constant pain in my life, I am struggling to walk around at times, and when some of these contractions hit, I seriously can't even imagine how bad they will be with the pitocin. We were talking about if I were living in the 1900s, Baby may never come out and we possibly both could die. People say that your body "knows what to do" but I realize now that for some, that really is not always the case. I am just grateful for modern medicine that even though I may be super drugged and cut open, at least my baby and myself will be able to come out of this alive. 

I really appreciate everyone's support, and I would not wish this type of a last month of pregnancy upon anybody. I hope that all my dear prego friends right now have a smooth last month! 

Here are some belly shots:

*also, at 39 weeks we got stretch marks... ALMOST made it without... a friend of mine said they are worth more than any medal you could ever get ;)

38.5 weeks

40 weeks

Have a great week. We will have Aiden here a week from today for sure! FINALLY!

Love,
The Brinleys

Maternity Shots and 38 weeks!

We are blessed to have great friends with great talents. We were lucky enough to get 2 different Maternity photo shoots with 2 very talented girls, Kara Nilsson and Gabi Da Silva. Just wanted to share some of our faves from both sessions:
The ones with Gabi were in the white dress, the ones with Kara are in the teal and black. We did the session with Gabi at 35 weeks and the one with Kara at 36 weeks. Thank you girls!!

Alright! Enjoy! I dont have a 38 week belly shot yet, but we will keep you posted!
In fact, we are thinking about inducing next week because of work scheduling issues. The doctor said that we could get induced at 39 weeks, so we will talk to the doctor on Monday!

love,
The Brinleys!